Clever Assignment for Advanced Journalism

The assignment was simple: write a piece about how you walk and breathe at the same time - a "how to" guide, if you will.

So, I decided not to get worked up about this writing assignment and have fun with it. I tried to write it as a gag column that could maybe go in something like The Onion. I used my experience of writing gag articles for the joke issue of the school newspaper. This type of writing is very easy because it is not stressful and the writer can have fun with the piece and the audience. It wasn't hard once I got started because I just let the ideas come to me and soon I had a clever piece of writing about one of most common, yet, utter complex things imaginable. It would have been hard to write about how to do it because this is something you do everyday without thinking. You don't think about how you do it, you just do!

That is like me and writing. I don't know if I would be able to explain how to write to someone because it is something that I have done since I was about 7-years-old. I was never taught. I just do it. It is something that is a part of who I am, and you can't necessarily explain to anyone else how to do something like that. So, that is why I think sometimes it is easier to have people explain how they do something as a opposed to just how something should be done.

I've never been able to answer the question: "How do you do it?"

I tell people: "I just do it. I've always just been able to do it."

Here is my piece:

How to Walk and Breathe:
A Step by Step Guide to Staying Alive and Getting Where You Need to Go

By Nikkie Prosperini

The act of walking and breathing are two separate activities that can be done together with careful planning. First, as you have normally been breathing (just like you have been when reading this guide), continue to do so. (Please do not walk, read this guide and breathe all together. That may pose a health risk). As you continue breathing (inhaling and exhaling through the nose and mouth), put one foot in front of the other. This will set you into motion (the relative speed is up to you, but walking generally occurs at a slow to mild pace). With each step, continue your breaths.

This author recommends inhaling with the step of the right foot and exhaling with the step of the left to keep a nice rhythm. After a specific amount of steps, you will then find that you have reached your destination and are in fact still alive. Congratulations. Also, please note that while breathing can be done without walking, it may be difficult to walk if not breathing. Individual results may vary.

Please look for the next installment of “How to Walk and . . .” when this author covers the thrilling combination of walking and chewing gum.